I have to be honest... not getting a reply tonight really broke my heart.
There is so much going on and I am just so overwhelmed...
Definitely needing someone to help me relief some stress. actually, I just need you right now.
I need my best friend back so I can call him for 5 minutes and tell him how hard of a time I'm having
how I can't stop the stupid tears from coming out of my eyes as I type...
I'm trying my hardest to stay sane and well maintained.
But I am so close... so close to the edge and I don't know how much longer I will last.
sleeping has been extremely difficult with all sorts of nightmares .. with your face in them

you said that you don't want to lose me.
I want to be mad at your stubbornness. I want to just forget everything and move on...
but no matter how hard i try, I just can't leave.
I'm mad at myself for acting like this.
I hate crying by myself in my room
"what the hell am I doing? there he is, probably enjoying living with me out of the picture and here I am being a dumbass hoping that he'll look at me again"
I'm trying to not sound or feel desperate or devastated. But it seems to be impossible at the moment.
and I hate this feeling. I hate how it makes my stomach churn. I hate how it takes away everything that I have built up for myself.
I suppose at least next time I'll know not to let them in too deep